We have decided to name this baby….Ani.
Were it a boy his name would have been Aniken anyway.
Were it a girl, Kryssa Ilyann so Ani fits both ways.
Happy Birthday to my 6th child.
Im preeettty sure what just passed was the yolk sac. It sure looks like a yolk sac. I can not however see much in it. There are two splotches that sure could be an embryo but if it is then that means the pregnancy ended WAY before I thought it did.
The big splotch is prob only 1/4 of an inch long which means the pregnancy probably ended around the third or fourth week. Which means it was probably already deceased by the time I found out I was pregnant. Dang.
Man, right after I wrote that I had a …… um….. a something. A something that caused me to waddle to the refuge of our bathroom which I never thought of as overly white until now.
I jumped in the tub, clothes and all to investigate and had more. Do you know what it feels like sifting through that stuff looking for your CHILD?
We are used to looking through crowds for them, through heads of other little people looking for our little person but gosh.
I took a picture. Ok I know, it sounds weird and gross but that may be it. That was the biggest passing ive had so far. I didnt see anything but dang its only 5/8 of a inch long, it…………….HE/SHE could of been in there. That may be the ONLY picture I have and as strange as it may seem, Id like to remember it.
It bothers me to take a person. A child. My child, and treat it as if it was just a bad period. To treat it as if it was a sickness or a nightmare. Life should never been acquainted with things that way.
This baby will have a name. It will have a place and a baby book, just like the other five do. And when people ask “How many children do you have?”
and my sweet, tactful, strong husband says “three”
I will always mutter “six” under my breath.
Ahhh crying, I was wondering when that was going to start.
Now I know why women go to the hospital to deal with this. Geez. I always went because I felt like I had to. Like my body wasnt going to deliver on its on. But now it is. Thats one good thing that has come of this. I know now my body knows what it is supposed to do. Its hard though. The waiting and the worrying. Having a chest cold doesnt help either. Ive been taking my temp at least once a day. Sometimes more. Id like to go running and speed up this process. Wish we still had our trampoline. 😛
Ill keep you filled in. For right now lots of uncomfortable stuff. Bleeding, clotting, cramping. And the waiting, the waiting is the hardest part.
Well it wont be long now. The bleeding has increased quite a bit.
There are other ways I know it wont be long now but im not sure if I should share them here. Dont want to gross anyone out.
I also had some milk leakage today which is weird given the age of the embryo.
It sucks with the worrying and stuff. I went to the restroom at Red Lobster and midway through my session I needed to check to see if anything passed without my knowlege. So I got up a little to look and the stupid toilet whisked it away! I was like “HEY thats mine dammit and I wasnt done with it!”
I dont think it was anything but I am growing more fond of my lifeless toilet that allows me to be in control. I have a colonder on the back of it just in case. Ok sorry… I wasnt going to be gross.
How the heck do you talk about miscarriage? I want to share, details and all. Its good. It could be helpful to someone.
I had a margarita tonight so I think that helps with thinning the blood out. It seems like it did. It was gooood and it was my bday. It gave me a headache though. Still have it. Could also be the weather. A cold front came in.
Anyway, its my goal to keep this short, sweet and readable so ill stop here. Would love to hear from more of you though.
I had a thought last night. You know my tooth has been bothering me. Well ive been taking at least one xtra strength tylenol a day to keep it from hurting. I wonder if the tylenol has masked the cramps and thats why i havent felt like im having a baby. Paula (the midwife) said I would have lots of cramps and bleeding. IDK. Nothing big happening yet. Just still slow spotting. Heart ok, breathing ok, cramps, none.
I had an appointment for an US today. Im not even sure why I went. The office only had male techs. Lance said they would refer me to the hospital who has female techs but I need doctors orders for it. So thats what I was planning on. And maybe them talking blood.
They wanted 120$ to refer me to the doctor. No blood. Id rather give them my blood than my money LOL
So we left and Trevan and I hung out.
Im not going to do anything from here on out except trust G-d. Paula, my midwife said it is not uncommon for your body to reabsorb an embryo. OK!!
Whatever happens im ok. Really. I have peace with my husband PRAISE GOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!! I have great kids and a great life and amazing friends. I have much to be thankful for.