Having a miscarriage

Man, right after I wrote that I had a …… um….. a something. A something that caused me to waddle to the refuge of our bathroom which I never thought of as overly white until now.

I jumped in the tub, clothes and all to investigate and had more. Do you know what it feels like sifting through that stuff looking for your CHILD?

We are used to looking through crowds for them, through heads of other little people looking for our little person but gosh.

I took a picture. Ok I know, it sounds weird and gross but that may be it. That was the biggest passing ive had so far. I didnt see anything but dang its only 5/8 of a inch long, it…………….HE/SHE could of been in there. That may be the ONLY picture I have and as strange as it may seem, Id like to remember it.

It bothers me to take a person. A child. My child, and treat it as if it was just  a bad period. To treat it as if it was a sickness or a nightmare. Life should never been acquainted with things that way.

This baby will have a name. It will have a place and a baby book, just like the other five do. And when people ask “How many children do you have?”

and my sweet, tactful, strong husband says “three”

I will always mutter “six” under my breath.

Ahhh crying, I was wondering when that was going to start.

my six kids

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